RTDM: Cassie Matthew
Cassie Matthew
Founder & CEO of Hands Up Ministries
Glen Allen, VA
Tell us about yourself: Where you came from, where you've been and how you're living your dream?
I'm a mother of 3 amazing boys, who are my greatest accomplishment, the rest is just extra fun along the way. I'm from Ohio, moved to Virginia in middle school, went to college and got both a BS & MS, before the children were born I worked in the Operating Room as a Surgical Assistant. I gave up everything that paid me anything to raise my boys. Now that all 3 boys are either out of college or currently finishing up college, I find myself looking for a new dream to fulfill. For the last 20 years or more, I focused on my boys and serving others in some capacity, weather it was in the USA or out of the country, I found serving the "underserved population’ rewarding! After 10 years of this "kind of serving" I decided I needed to serve in my home town and not travel any longer because of the dollars I was spending and I wasn't sure my gifts and time were being used properly. In 2007 I started serving the very poor in Richmond Virginia. 2018 now, I never stopped and in fact, I refined my serving over time.
How do you define success?
Success for me is I am at peace with what I am doing. I also feel energized with doing things that make me happy and proud of my current situation, and it can change with time.
What did it take to make your dream happen and when did you know you had arrived?
Hmmmm...I started my own non profit, and it was legit in 2009. I felt success when I first received my $10,000 donation. Made me feel legit. Then I felt a burst of success when I bought our first home and paid cash. Then I felt boosted again when I bought our eleventh house and Eagle construction asked to do the entire remodel pro bono. That was $140,000 gift.
What are you most proud of? Go ahead, boast a little!
I am really most proud of my perseverance. I have worked from the ground up, never took a pay check, basically working for free the last 11 years. I will tell you though that I am most proud that my children (3 Boys) were walking side by side with us the entire way. My kids witnessed poverty first hand week after week. We had homeless live with us, we took in two foster girls for 11 months, we gave every thing we could away. We learned everything we could about poverty, not just how to give without toxic results but to give in the moments of a crisis and walk away and not rescue people. My boys saw us work hard, and we made all three of them work with us. We rehabbed 11 blighted homes in the heart of the city, with us being the minority and never being afraid. Truthfully, I know I can do anything, because I have succeeded in this non profit. My success wasn't measured in how many people we helped because I'm not really sure we HELPED that many people succeed. Success came from trying to work with a population that is difficult to change, but we learned so much about culture and the character of man. My biggest take away is that people are just people everywhere. If you do not have drive to make changes and WANT to get out of poverty or anything that holds you back, you just will not move forward. But no matter the obstacles we faced on a daily basis we never stopped loving people, that was our main mission; build relationships, not change behavior because that in itself is impossible for US to do. We can only give opportunities and the rest is up to the person we strive to help. It was a really tough journey on so many levels, we had more evictions than success, we had people "fail" time after time, after we had given them our all, it just wasn't up to us to make people succeed. My success was learning the obstacles of poverty, the families born into poverty how many more struggles they will incur versus a person born into middle class and above. The school systems you are surrounded around makes a huge difference, my kids had great schools, the area in which I serve have so few chances if the parents don't want the best and cannot advocate for their children, their success rate is diminished greatly. I was a success for trying something, for getting on a very basic level with the poor, the underserved, the invisible, understanding their plight and making sure I never judge their journey, however knowing me myself cannot change people, that was my success, understanding.
What was your biggest obstacle/fear and what was your turning point?
My biggest obstacle was always getting people to give financially to the underserved. Many people have many judgments about race, the poor, that most people "just don't work hard enough to make it". That is not true. People do try, they just have way more obstacles to overcome and its defeating and getting people on the outside to understand poverty was always hard. I feared failure, always. Not making it on my own, having very little support in the way of a team, most of what I accomplished was because of my own internal drive of not wanting to fail. I was always determined to keep trying to find the root of poverty, and affordable housing is the biggest issue in poverty. There is not affordable housing and getting people we offered homes to understand the importance of saving and changing their saving habits, that in itself was the biggest obstacle for success. Most who live in poverty can only see today, not into the future. It takes a lot of drive, determination, advance thinking about sacrifice now, or they just never have enough, but saving $5.00 at a time was always doable.
What’s the best advice you’d give to a younger you?
My advice to me, would have been, "you can do it". Do not worry so much about others success, it only matters that you tried on your time and in your terms. I gave it my best and it was never enough, I was so tired of people failing and burning everything we tried to do to help, but I needed to hear, "Its all OK!" You tried your best and move on. I was super hard on myself, I was disappointed in people, I didn't need to be, It should have only been about how I tried, regardless of outcomes, but we are in a world where we measure success in numbers and you cannot get grants if you don't hit a certain number. It's ok, I made it work, I needed to hear, "atta girl" more often.
How do you stay motivated and purposeful when you feel overwhelmed?
Hmmm this one is hard, I take time off and go away, like fly to Greece, fly to Haiti, go to Thailand for months and just refuel my heart and my mind and stop thinking about what more I could do. I kept changing up my mission, I started very simple and then gradually tried different things to assist in ways that were helpful, most things I tried were not sustainable. You cannot continue to give away free food for long, or free clothing, or free services, there has to be some accountability. I try not to get attached to people's success, its not about their success, its about my trying. I always think..."At the end of my life, what will be my take away?" "What will my boys think?" My boys will be proud of me, and that is really all I care about now, I don't care any longer about the notoriety or if our Non-profit is popular or well know, I don't need trophies or accolades any longer, I need peace within my soul, and I'm starting to get that. I know in my boys eyes I was a success, and for me, that is plenty.
Tell us a time when a perceived failure was actually a blessing in disguise or served you in a surprising way.
I had a 19 year old boy who came into my care via a stranger. This man called me from a referral and asked me to help this young man: "19 y/o Joe" had been in and out of foster care his whole life, he had the worst life imaginable. The man who called me, his name was "Jay". He was shocked I took this boy in, I worked with Joe for 2 years, I tried everything to get him on the right track, even Joe asked me "Why do you care about me?" I cared about Joe because someone else cared about Joe and asked me for a favor. I did my best. Joe was very mentally ill, his life was nothing but hardships, his mother gave him away at 2, he was adopted at 4 and given back at 13 into foster care then into a group home. His whole life he was NOT WANTED, he felt worthless. I loved Joe as hard as I could, it was not enough. Joe committed suicide while I was on a mission trip in Haiti for 6 weeks, it was a huge devastation for me and for "Jay" his mentor. The blessing that came out of that devastation was "Jay" became my mentor, a man in his 70's who saw something in me, he believed in me, he loved how I loved the unworthy, the unloveable. Seven years later, I still depend on his wisdom, Joe brought us together, we have the love of "Joe" in common. Joe gave us love unknowingly.
What is your favorite vice/guilty pleasure/strange habit? Come on now, we all have them!
I have Starbucks coffee everyday. I get a lot of grief for it because we are talking about $5.00 a day. I don't care, I'm frugal with everything I do. I do not waste money, but everyday I tell myself I am worth a great cup of coffee.
What's the smartest investment you’ve made for yourself?
Women friends. You must surround yourself with people who love you. I do not have the best relationship with my mother, I was told at 19 years old, "You will need a mother-like role model always" I invest in people, that is the ONLY thing that matters to me is people. It will not matter later for me if I have accumulated stuff, it will matter how many lives I’ve touched, how many women have touched my life. Nothing is more important to me than loving others and usually that is women of all ages, especially young girls who work with me. My goal in life is to have people walk away from me feeling better than they did when they first came into my presence.
What’s MOST important to you right now?
The only thing that is important to me is loving my 3 boys, that they feel loved, that they know their importance, and that they have success because I let go. I was not a helicopter mother, I pushed them to have great grades, to feel confident, try hard, work hard, be kind, love others, listen and value people. Have friends always love each other because when we are gone they have each other. I am most proud of my mothering, my parenting my boys, yes I made many mistakes, but overall I am very proud of me and I am very proud of the men I have raised.
Share 1-2 books you've given as gifts:
Toxic Charity by Bob Lupton and The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck
What have you learned to say no to?
Anything I do not want to do. I am very good at saying no. I wasn't always, but now I do not do anything I do not want to do or that doesn't line up with my mission. I have very good boundaries, and I didn't always, but people see a giver and think "what can I get from her"! Nothing, I'm good at taking care of me most days.
What's something most people would never guess about you?
I am deeply afraid of failing, I do not like to fail at anything, that and I have a very hard time letting others into my heart. I can love the heck out of anyone but I do not let many love me.
Who is a Risk Taker Dream Maker that's inspired you?
GayDonna Vandergriff
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